My xabf said the same sorts of things -- I wasn't "fun and social" and the sole purpose of his existence after work was to "have fun." Having fun occurred only at a bar, and only in the company of other drinkers. If I wasn't into it, I was preventing him from having fun. I always assumed that if I went out with him one or two nights a week, that would suffice. As I discovered, nothing I did was good enough. After a while, when you're cast in a particular role by someone else, you begin to either believe what you're being told, and/or you take on some aspects of the person they think/want you to be -- if they cast you as a shrew, you find yourself behaving like one because you've been set up to behave that way. In the end, I guess my xabf was projecting a part of himself he didn't like onto me -- the part of him that worries that he himself is not fun and social without the booze and the rush of the bar. I'm really sorry for the pain you are in, but trust me, you are not alone.