Originally Posted by
DetachMe9 
Jeez Louise.
What is it with this seemingly endless emotional chess-game that we get stuck (or drawn back into) playing with these AH's? If you take Denny's statment about choosing NOT to play, along with ToughChoice's thing on "wanting but not doing anything about it" - - that's pretty much the whole answer right there.
The problem (for me anyway) is getting repeatedly hooked back into my own vision of the "dream", despite all evidence to the contrary. I can journal you a long list of crimes my AH has committed against our marriage over the past 2 years when he left sobriety for active alcoholism. I can read it over and over until I'm furious and ready to throw all his sh!t on the front lawn and water it in thoroughly. Then walk back into the living room and take one look at our wedding portrait hanging on the wall.....and I'm instantly screwed/stupid.
I see us standing there all pretty and sober (together), his sponsor right beside him as his best man, and the ensuing 7-8 years of relative stability and happiness. If you take it from LaTee or Prodigal, that picture is really just a framed image of me and a "dead" guy. But my codependent/enabling desire to see that old dream resurrected is just as strong as his addiction. It's taking all I've got to fight the lie.
Anyway, don't listen to words. Let his actions be your guide, and if there are none forthcoming - - it looks like you all won't be going anywhere together. Right?
D9
(((D9))) You said it! Up and down, up and down. I am taking down reminders, but maybe not quickly enough. It is that old dream that comes back to haunt me. And when the "old" him seeps through the cracks- just enough to screw me up, I feel like I did yesterday when I posted this thread. It takes a lot of thought and some reminders- from people like you- that actions speak louder than words-and there's been no action. I think maybe he's realizing he's dug a hole so deep he doesn't really want to deal with the hard stuff it would take for him to get out of it. I'm not taking care of him anymore and that bugs him. Every time he shows me a little sadness it's all about him- never sadness for me, for our marriage- that dream, for the holidays we'll spend apart, for our daughter- it's ALL about him and what he feels he didn't get. Blah! The more I read, the more I talk, the more I realize the path I'm supposed to take-alone. It doesn't make it easy, though.