(((((((((Katie))))))))))
I'm late comin' in. I'm so sorry your going through this.
I've gone through the same thing myself.
I almost lost my husband because I couldn't get myself to detach enough from my son and his drug addiction. Finally, after he robbed our house, I
hit my own rock bottom. Yes, I did press charges. Yes, he did go to jail.
Yes, I still went to visit him 2-3 times a week and sometimes, even put money on his books for snacks and such.
But I did send him to jail and it wasn't because of my husband. Like I said,
I had to reach my own point of NO MORE!
I've done things for my son during his active addiction that no mother should be doing for her kid. When our child is "hurting" we want to fix/save them from themselves. Learning to Let Go helps so much with that.
One way or another, though, the drug addiction (his) and the codependent tendencies (mine), had to run a certain course till we were both done.
Granted, jail did stop him in his tracks, but after he was released in 6 months, he was back on a new course with alcohol. That took about 8 months to run the course. All the while I was detaching with love, had him leave my home, attended meetings for myself, and slowly began my own recovery from him. We're both in a good place now. We take things one day at a time and we've stayed close through it all. I have forgiven the thefts, lies, and manipulations. But I will never forget them. He knows that too. lol Has he made amends? Somewhat.
We've never been paid back for the things he stole, but I will say that material things, in my book, mean very little if my son is not clean and sober anyway. Now that he is and the stuff is still gone, I don't miss them.
If he were gone, it would kill me. I'm so happy to have my son back.
He wasn't himself for a very long time. (5 years)
We're both very different people now. For the better, Thank God.
I pray that for you and your son, as well.
As far as contact....
That is something that you have to decide for you.
There was alot of bitterness and anger from both myself and my husband toward my son for a while. Some days I just had no contact at all. Couldn't deal with the bs. Now that I'm stronger, we talk regularly and when I hear idiocy creeping into his voice. Just the least little bit. lol I run in the other direction. He's okay with that and so am I. lol
Maybe you should deal with the pain and anger first with no contact.
If he's picked and charged, maybe talking with him through a sheet of glass on a phone will eventually be do-able. Your all in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Linda