Hi NM,
At my meeting today, many of the shares were about uncontrollable urges & loss. People, humans like you & me, shared about 10 day benders, 4 month benders, 1 year plus benders. Hospital stays, suicide attempts. Losing homes, jobs, children, their minds. Just can't stop drinking. Living on the streets, living in the bush. Truly living one hour at a time, unable to be alone or they would drink.
In my case, I have experienced "uncontrollable" urges, been on three day benders but have lost relatively nothing that I couldn't get back or be forgiven for. Really, I have lost f*** all. But I am an alcoholic. I know what my future looks like if I buy into the idea that I can keep drinking.
There was also a huge message of hope at my meeting today. People with months, years, decades sober. Nobody giving up. Everyone supporting each other.
This is not meant to be a scare tactic or "tough love". This is the reality of alcoholism and an example of why meetings are a critical part of my recovery. I need to know these people, to be a part of them because I am an alcoholic just like them.
We are both relatively young men. In my case, I have gone through some periods of extreme mental despair but I have not, thank God, seen first hand how bad my alcoholism can get, will get if I let my guard down.
You have had some excellent periods of sobriety & I think you know how great a sober life can be. Get to your meetings & work your program. Help others. You have already proven that you got it in you to do this. Never give up. D