Hi Mel!
When I got to the point that it sounds like you're at, I finally understood that there was no amount of pretending or deluding myself. I finally understood, without a shadow of a doubt (and with a great amount of fear and desperation) that I was an alcoholic, and that I absolutely was unable to stop drinking without help. For me, this meant I got down on my knees (sobbing) and begged God for help. And then I went to an AA meeting as soon as possible. And I got myself into an outpatient treatment program.
My family was suffering because of my actions (and they continue to suffer now, 64 days later - but in different ways). I could hide from myself no more. And what this meant was that I had to climb out of the terrible hell I had climbed into. This was the blessing of reaching that place.
I think you've been suffering for a long time (your join date is Jan.) and you have not reached the place that you need to reach to finally make the decision to take responsiblity for your actions, stop the insanity, and get well.
It doesn't matter if you call yourself an alcoholic or an addict. Or both. What matters is that you recognize you cannot drink or do drugs any longer without causing harm to yourself and to others. Make your sobriety (from all substances) your prioritiy - put it first - and help yourself find a way to live a better life.
One of the things you say in your post is that the family you are living with is going to help you stop smoking. I don't really think anyone can do that but you. It certainly helps to be around people who care, though. So that is a blessing.
Not everyone is into AA, but for me, AA gives me a place where people totally see who I am and where I can learn more about what I need to do to stay sober.
You asked for positive words, happy stories and encouragment. Here's my positive words of encouragement: You can get sober if you set your mind to it. There are programs designed specifically to help you, there are people who make it their mission to help you, many many people have found sobriety before you. And time (along with sobriety) heals the wounds that we've inflicted with our addictions. You absolutely can do this. And if you look deep in your heart, my guess is you know that. It is scary and it feels sometimes unbeatable. But your deepest heart knows that you can do it. That is what I experienced.
Good luck to you and work hard. Things can and do get better.