I appreciate your bluntness, anvilhead. but what I am saying is that I refuse to believe that I was JUST an enabler. I am not going to lessen my opinion of myself to think that he just thought of me as his ticket to keep drinking. We had a really cool relationship. If he was truly using me and abusing me, I would admit that wholeheartedly. However, I think the alcoholism was much bigger than our relationship. And one of the last things I DID tell him is that "we" cannot BE, until he is sober. Yes, he went to the hospital as his last resort....because I was kicking him out. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love me....or didn't love me.
Until I know otherwise, I will not accept the fact that he was only with me for that reason. As of right now, I am going to be positive and think that he isn't talking to me right now because he doesn't want me to see him like this and he is ashamed and embarrassed. I may be in denial, who knows, But I WILL be positive.
