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Old 04-03-2008, 11:34 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: canada
Posts: 48

a little about me

well i have been sober for 3 months now i am 20 and pretty much seen it all. guess its a good thing to get it done early then later, thought everyday feels hopeless ridden with anxiety attacks, bad memories, friends turned enemies, and iv realized that there is a select few that actual care about me, thought it is nice to someone to beleive in me, i dont know why i am posting here i guess i just wanted to see if there were people who could relate, know what i am going throught, my lifee been pretty much disapointment i started using coke and liquor to subside the feelings and in search for the most intense high doing what ever takes to achieve it ******* over friends, what ever it takes, now that i have been sober for 3 months i realize the effects of what it did to me severe depression tried to end it but always would wake up in my own pile of puke i wonder why, do i have a purpose i try not to think about how many times, i just wanted it all to end, i guess i do see some light i do get days where i can feel almost normal, others where i wish i was dead, but i just keep telling myself things well be better one day, is this a lie, well the years of substance abuse haunt me forever or one day well i feel normal, again, i dont know what to do anymore tho i know if i turn back into substance i know it well just go farther down hill but it feels like my life cant get any worse, i guess i just wanted to know if anyone has been throught this
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