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a little about me

Old 04-03-2008, 11:34 AM
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a little about me

well i have been sober for 3 months now i am 20 and pretty much seen it all. guess its a good thing to get it done early then later, thought everyday feels hopeless ridden with anxiety attacks, bad memories, friends turned enemies, and iv realized that there is a select few that actual care about me, thought it is nice to someone to beleive in me, i dont know why i am posting here i guess i just wanted to see if there were people who could relate, know what i am going throught, my lifee been pretty much disapointment i started using coke and liquor to subside the feelings and in search for the most intense high doing what ever takes to achieve it ******* over friends, what ever it takes, now that i have been sober for 3 months i realize the effects of what it did to me severe depression tried to end it but always would wake up in my own pile of puke i wonder why, do i have a purpose i try not to think about how many times, i just wanted it all to end, i guess i do see some light i do get days where i can feel almost normal, others where i wish i was dead, but i just keep telling myself things well be better one day, is this a lie, well the years of substance abuse haunt me forever or one day well i feel normal, again, i dont know what to do anymore tho i know if i turn back into substance i know it well just go farther down hill but it feels like my life cant get any worse, i guess i just wanted to know if anyone has been throught this
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Old 04-03-2008, 11:40 AM
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σммυηιту gяєєтєя
 
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Welcome Eqlibrium! Glad that you found us!

Congrats on 3 months that is great! Others will be around that have gone through what you are going through! You have found the right place-Keep posting
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Old 04-03-2008, 11:46 AM
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Hi Equilibrium,

Welcome and congratulations on 3 months sober!

There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with addiction, especially as we look back at the mistakes that we made in the midst of using. Have you considered journalling? I was encouraged to do that when I was stuck and I found it really helped.
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Old 04-03-2008, 11:47 AM
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Hello....

Good to see a new member
Well done on your sober time!

Welcome to our recovery community
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Old 04-03-2008, 11:51 AM
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i keep journals of everything iv done been throught and the goodtimes, its a good waste of time, but its fun to look back at it see how ****** i was, and to see how much iv changed
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Old 04-03-2008, 12:09 PM
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IMHO I do not feel journaling is a waste of time to me....

Journaling is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to accelerate your personal development. It allows my thoughts out of my head and by putting them down in writing, I gain insights that otherwise I do not believe I would ever see. It has helped me on my journey.....
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Old 04-03-2008, 12:13 PM
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i didnt mean waste of time sorry, i ment to say its something to past the time and gives me something to work towards
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Old 04-03-2008, 02:49 PM
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Hi Equilibrium, welcome to SR. I'm sure you will find lots of people who can relate to you and who can help you.
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Old 04-03-2008, 03:47 PM
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Certainly, I have had these feelings before.

As human beings we question a lot of stuff. Drugs and alcohol do not help the rumblings inside our souls and head. They tend to make things worse.

Even though there is so much out there that we cannot understand or even begin to understand, we cannot get caught up in it. Not much will come it as we go back and forth time and again.
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Old 04-03-2008, 04:32 PM
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HI:I'm also going to make 3-months clean,I also understand where you are coming from, all my so call friends are nowhere to be seen but just for today I wont pick up, I also feel alone on this journey there is time that just by the grace of GOD I'm able to grasp ,hang in there!!!!!!!! .
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Old 04-03-2008, 06:23 PM
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i dont beleive in god
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