Welcome.
Your heart is in the right place.
Al-anon meetings helped me understand the facts about alcoholism. Once I truly understood the facts, it was much easier to believe that I had not caused it, could not cure it and CERTAINLY could not control it. I also began to understand the role I have played in the disease throughout my life. I did not choose this role as a child, but I carried those lessons into adulthood and made choices that were based on being affected by the disease. I didn't ask to be affected by this disease so I am not to blame there -- but I am completely responsible for my own recovery and choices as an adult.
Sounds good? Like I know what I'm doing? HA! Don't be fooled -- I am humbled to how easily I screw up every day. The truth is, I rely on the 12 steps as a program for LIVING in a way that is entirely about me -- not the As in my life. I have learned tools that bring me sanity, serenity, self-respect and even joy. It takes a lot of work, a lot of rigorous honesty, a lot of willingness to face some tough stuff...BUT IT WORKS.
The best thing you can do for those you love is to turn the focus on YOU and learn about your motives and how to properly care for yourself.
It sounds kind of cheesey but it's true.
SR is a great resource. I hope you will keep posting and sharing your thoughts and feelings.