you don't have to ride this rollercoaster alone. one of the only reasons i've stayed sober the past year or so has been because of my amazing recovery family. i got sober with AA... i don't know if you've ever tried meetings, but i know that for me having the support of a bunch of other drunks who have all felt EXACTLY the same way before helped me tremendously. i am not unique. thank god for that, right? without having those folks in my life, i wouldn't know that it was possible to make it through the tough stuff in life without picking up.
i hope that helped a little. it does get better, slowly... just one day at a time, right? good luck.