Day 4
I guess I'm using this site as a journal of sorts. I still haven't gone to a meeting yet, however I have met some GREAT people thru this site, and I am planning on attending my first meeting manana! Very nervous..... Still haven't talked to my wife about it, and the books are still buried in my sock drawer. My dirty little secret. However, I feel good. I keep finding myself thinking about future events, for example, this summer camping, 4th of July at the lake, poker night at my friends house, hanging out with the in laws, birthday parties, springtime BBQ's, the list goes on and on, and they all revolve around alcohol (atleast for me they did. I would literally shake because I was so excited that I was going to an event where I could get smashed, and no one would care/notice, Fridays were always the best, drinking by 3:12pm, after all I get off work at 3:02pm). I am having a hard time just focusing on not drinking today. That's how I made it 3 1/4 days so far. The weekend is fast approaching however......................I found myself getting very agitated with my young daughters last night. I was giving them a bath and everything they did irritated me. Splashing, throwing toys, not wanting to rinse their hair (they are 5 and almost 2 for god's sake, that's what they are supposed to do!). I used to get like this when they wouldn't do what I wanted fast enough so I could get back to drinking. Last night I knew I wasn't going to drink, but I was so pis*ed for some reason. I don't want to be an angry person. If you ask people, I don't think they would describe me as an angry person. I do think that I am lost, even though I have so much going for me, great job, loving family, good education, etc..... I don't think that I know who I am as a person, and I'm nearly 30 now!!! Reading the posts here really helps me. People out there with similar (sometimes eerily identical) problems. It makes me think that I can do it. Thanks again to everyone. That has to be about the 50th time I have thanked everyone, but it just keeps coming out. Thank you!