Oddman

I guess I'm using this site as a journal of sorts. I still haven't gone to a meeting yet, however I have met some GREAT people thru this site, and I am planning on attending my first meeting manana! Very nervous..... Still haven't talked to my wife about it, and the books are still buried in my sock drawer. My dirty little secret. However, I feel good. I keep finding myself thinking about future events, for example, this summer camping, 4th of July at the lake, poker night at my friends house, hanging out with the in laws, birthday parties, springtime BBQ's, the list goes on and on, and they all revolve around alcohol (atleast for me they did. I would literally shake because I was so excited that I was going to an event where I could get smashed, and no one would care/notice, Fridays were always the best, drinking by 3:12pm, after all I get off work at 3:02pm). I am having a hard time just focusing on not drinking today. That's how I made it 3 1/4 days so far. The weekend is fast approaching however......................I found myself getting very agitated with my young daughters last night. I was giving them a bath and everything they did irritated me. Splashing, throwing toys, not wanting to rinse their hair (they are 5 and almost 2 for god's sake, that's what they are supposed to do!). I used to get like this when they wouldn't do what I wanted fast enough so I could get back to drinking. Last night I knew I wasn't going to drink, but I was so pis*ed for some reason. I don't want to be an angry person. If you ask people, I don't think they would describe me as an angry person. I do think that I am lost, even though I have so much going for me, great job, loving family, good education, etc..... I don't think that I know who I am as a person, and I'm nearly 30 now!!! Reading the posts here really helps me. People out there with similar (sometimes eerily identical) problems. It makes me think that I can do it. Thanks again to everyone. That has to be about the 50th time I have thanked everyone, but it just keeps coming out. Thank you!

sugErspun

In the last year I have done all of the following: Played poker, been to casino's, been to the river, BBQ's (too many to count), went to Hawaii, went fishing in Canada, made it to all my niece/nephews b-day parties, I have gone to more than 10 shows (music) - some of which were in bars, went wakeboarding for four days in NorCal. The list goes on and on...

The reason I list the above - people I was doing these activities with were drinking, my family and close friends who may or may not be alcoholic (makes no difference to me unless they show some desire to quit).

I do everything I did while drinking - other than drink.

You see, the problem has been removed. I can go anywhere and do anything and the thought of drinking has not come up - if it has come up, it quickly vanishes - I react like a person who should not drink does - I don't drink.

My true friends have remained, and they are better off having me sober and happy (from what they tell me) - same goes for my family.

A couple weeks back I went to see a Grateful Dead cover band (right there in Redondo Beach - Kilkenny's) with my girlfriend and a guy I know from AA (sober 19 years) - fully enjoyed the show, my girlfriend ordered a martini and only took about 3 sips before letting it just sit there the rest of the night (that kind of 'drinking' still baffles me).

The world doesn't end when we get sober.

Congrats on 4 days.

~A

NoMoBeer

Oddman... thanks for being so honest. I felt the exact same way when I got sober... I stayed away from slippery situations and places. I did not go in my pool the whole first summer I was sober, stayed away from my grill, parties, etc.... But now I can pretty much do whatever I want (if my spiritual house is in order) and feel OK. When I am not in a good place spiritually, I really have to watch out.

Try not to think about the future. Stay in today. That's why we say one day at a time. It is just too hard to predict what might happen tomorrow or next week, etc. Just don't pick up a drink today.

And why are you waiting to go to meetings? I would imagine living in a pretty populated area you can find meetings most every day. Get your butt out there and get to a meeting. Online interaction helps, but it is absolutely no substitution for being with other alcoholics who are also trying to recover. I would always advise 90 meetings in 90 days, especially when we are new to sobriety... Get a sponsor, read the Big Book and go to meetings. That's a great place to start.

Great job on 4 days -- just remember to stay inside the day.

ken

Oddman

Thanks for the encouragement. I know it seems like I am making excuses for not going to meetings, but I have a lot on my plate. I'm planning on going tomorrow. As for 90 meetings in 90 days, impossible. On Mon. and Wed. I am at work at 7am, then go straight to school from 4pm-10pm. I haven't found a meeting that is at 5:30am, or at 10:30 pm. Tuesdays my wife works from 4-9pm, and I have my 2 daughters from right after work, until 9pm. Again, no late night meeting. I'm getting some info on possible meetings for Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays (already got a lead on Sundays). I am committed to this, and plan on working the steps. This is just the beginning, and I am not going to drink today! Thanks!!

PS Sug, where do you board in NorCal? We got a new boat on Clear Lake (my inlaws place) 2 Sea Doos, and I just got a new Faction Board in Januaray. Can't wait to get up there again! If I board sober, maybe I can improve!!!

sugErspun

I go wakeboarding often (one of my best friends was a hyperlite team rider for awhile).
2006 Air Nautique - kept in a private lake outside Bakersfield (always glassy - water ski lake really, one boat allowed out at a time).

But we trek up to the Delta (Sacramento River) - just outside of Walnut Grove each summer - nice warm, flat water - deep enough to get a really good wake (above knee high)when you fill up the tanks and put some extra weight in the boat (lead bags or fatsacks).

I would say I ride a lot better since getting sober - same thing goes for snowboarding I got up a few times this winter without killing myself or winding up in the ER - had a blast.

Like Ken said - if we are spiritually fit - there is nothing we can't do. If I am spiritually fit - I don't have to worry about staying sober - it just 'happens'.

The process that keeps me spiritually fit has it's root in AA

lovingseren

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Check out some of the above, they have online support.

I don't attend face to face meetings, never have, but please do find what works best for you....give it all that you have!

Your life is worth doing whatever it takes.

Seren

CAPTAINZING2000

First meeting is hard but afterwards, it was like the world was lifted off my shoulders

you're in a room full of people that understand you

justjo

Thanks for that Sug! Needed it today.