In the past (long before I knew anything real about this disease), I thought I could control everything -- or anything -- if I just found the right answer to a given situation. I now understand that is my way of avoiding my own feelings of fear, abandonment, disappointment -- which are HUGE. But avoiding my own feelings does not bring me any closer to reality. It fuses me to dysfunction.
Focusing on HIM is an easy way to NOT focus on YOU.
Working steps in Al-anon is the only thing that every truly made things clearer to me -- about myself, I mean.
I think that is what I am doing, avoiding my own feelings.
Well I did attend my first Al-anon meeting, however it was just me and the lady that does these meetings there, and she wasn't going to be back until next Monday. I guess I need to learn more about the steps and try to work them. I was journalizing as a way of trying to do my "moral inventory" and dig deeper inside of myself and my childhood issues. I am trying, some days are better than others.