hey Rene-
Glad to read your story and so glad that you posted. Sorry your situation sounds kinda grim.
I definitely suggest an AlAnon meeting. Give it a try. I know I found truly meaningful change in my life by working the program AlAnon recommends.
It helps you focus on your own problems/strengths. Then you can start behaving differently and making things happen for yourself in your life that are positive and what YOU want!
You sound so sweet- and a sexless marriage w/ an alcoholic 20yrs older than you? That's a disaster!! There's a great big fun world out there and men who are not addicts/alcoholics who you can have a decent relationship with ( includes SEX!!!) a glass of wine with and not have anxiety about that. You were smart not to have children with this guy!
A hallmark of co-dependent behavior is making excuses for the alcoholic in our minds. It's called denial. I always try to look at the situation, remove the alcohol from the picture, and then think : would this be OK? Like pretend your hubby didn't drink. And you never had sex. NOT OK!! And he couldn't get it together to get another part time job when you guys obviously need the dough. NOT OK.
Anyway - some little healthy voice inside you is finally piping up enough to be heard.
Listen.
Take it easy - little steps. Don't fret yet about debt and finances. Just start educating yourself (AlAnon a good place to start) and soon you will make a plan.... Hopefully you'll be on the road to recovering yourself soon!
Read lots of posts here on SR! There are some amazing wise people on here who have been in your shoes.
Peace,
B.