I think..somewhere inside us...we ALWAYS prefer sobriety to the drink. We just don't KNOW it because we are so sick. We habitually drink to cover up something. So many of us say we drink because it is fun....but at the same time we know it wasn't fun in the end anymore. It was painful. We all drink for some reason or other. When we can start dealing with the root of our problems, accept them and understand them, we are on the path to recovery. Recovery means being able to live without the need to cover everything up all the time. That is when you realize how much you prefer sobriety. How much you don't want to go back living inside the bottle.
How much time does that take? It varies, depending on your recovery. Some people don't recover...they just stop drinking. They white knuckle it all the time. They may prefer to drink....because they prefer to cover up.....but just don't drink anymore because they can't for whatever reason. My Mother was like that. She drank all my life, she never ever ever participated in recovery. Anytime she did get sober she white knuckled it....she always wanted to be inside that bottle so that she could hide...so she always ended up drinking again.
For me, I am getting sober AGAIN with recovery this time. This time, right from the beginning I started participating in some sort of recovery and this time it has made a huge difference. Although I am only just under 2 months sober, I PREFER sobriety over the drink. Recovery helps me to NOT hide. Therefore I don't want to be inside that bottle.
Fear of relapse? I think it is always there for most. That is because we never have sobriety in the bag. We have to work on staying sober everyday. If we don't we WILL relapse. So I think we all fear relapse because it means so much more than just picking up the drink again. It means we may never make it back into sobriety. It means we may never find freedom again.
I hope you stick around here. There are a lot of great people here who can help you. It simply depends on what you're willing to do with the help you recieve.
All the best to you.
Tay.