Paper;
My heart goes out to you, I completely understand the desperation you feel. Reading your post made me feel sick with thoughts of my own drinking. I don't miss feeling how you're feeling right now.
BUT......this can be the last time you feel this way if you work hard enough. I am new to sobriety myself, so I really can't give you any advice except to keep trying. Pick yourself up and try again. As for detox, I have never gone through that, I could binge and then quit......I'd be sick for a week......but I never felt as though I needed detox. So I can't give any advice on that. But PLEASE listen to those who have been there and have experience with needing detox. They can guide you in the right direction.
I hope to see you around here. I hope you can start over with your sobriety.
Hugs,
Tay