it is just really difficult to accept a comment like that from someone you love so much. It really hurts, and I so badly want to believe that some day he will want to change. His dad finally did, and his brother is in the process. So I hope that he will see the light, I just don't want to have to wait 30 years for him to see the light
It is very hard to accept a comment like that. How could alcohol be more important then your wife and children? It is something that we as non alcoholics can't wrap our minds around.
My xabf also has a dad that used to be a pretty heavy drinker and a brother who made it all the way through medical school and is a Doctor and now goes to AA b/c he finally realized that it was ruining his marriage and he almost lost his medical license. I also hoped and prayed that someday my ex would see the light. Like I said before I was not married but we did live together so at times it felt like we were. I worked so hard on keeping it together as did he at times but alcohol is a strong thing and tore us apart. I know that you have children and want to hold on to your marriage but have you ever thought that maybe if you did leave him and he lost everything important to him that he may want to then change. Maybe that may be his rock bottom!
As for the removing yourself from the holidays and birthdays.....maybe you could ask him to leave if he starts getting like that. Not sure what to tell you to do with these situations. Have you asked him to cut down during big family events....for the sake of the kids at least.