Welcome Karisma, glad you are here.
Originally Posted by
karisma 
Now that my son is 4 he is starting to see how dad acts, and well I am unable to protect him from seeing his dad like that. He asks questions about why his dad has to drink beer, tells his dad he doesn't like it.
My son is 9. He has for 9 years now, seen his alcoholic father drink beer every night. He has told me that he can't wait to drink beer when he grows up, b/c Dad likes it, and he's pretty sure he will like it too, cause he wants to be just like Dad.
You
can protect your son from seeing your husband drink. You can ask your husband not to drink in front of the kids.
You can set boundaries, i.e., no drinking in front of the children.
Do you and your husband use profanity in front of the children? My guess is you probably don't. Okay...so....we are trying to set good examples for our children, and if you feel that not drinking in front of them would be a good example to set, then ask for it.
I have just recently set boundaries in my relationship with my AH. He has not had a drink in front of the children for a few months. Even so, my son just last night said something to the effect of "Dad, you drink beer every night". Which has been a true statement for all of my son's life, excluding the last few months. My AH got very defensive towards our son, and said "I don't do that anymore". The voice of reason (me), added my two cents, and calmly said "Dad is choosing to no longer drink beer every night, b/c this is a healthy choice"...
Originally Posted by
karisma I guess my question is can he change?? !
He can change if he wants to change, but you can't make him change. You are not the Cause of his drinking, you cannot Control his drinking, and you cannot Cure his drinking.
You, however, can change if you want to. You can change how you react to his drinking, you can change by stating what is/is not acceptable behavior in your home.
I just did this after being with my husband for 19 years, and frankly he is shocked! What? These things used to be okay with you....You never had a problem before with me smoking pot, drinking beer all night in the garage, etc., etc.
Well, now I do. And it will not longer be tolerated in my house. Period. End of story.
Please know that you are not alone. Keep reading/posting here, it has been such a huge help to me. Also, attending alanon and seeing a therapist has also helped in my recovery.
Shivaya