Maybe there is someone you can be accountable to on this?
Will your mother or caretaker support your resolve to get help if you fail again?
Print your post out and put it on the fridge. I think I have heard you say before that you would get help if you drank again, and you drank again and start blaming medications, and doctor's and circumstance.
Maybe you are alcoholic - no surprise that an alcoholic would drink alcohol.
Most can't make it at all, most of those who make it need outside help.
How are you going to keep your word? - Please answer this for yourself, not for me.