nytepassion

There isn't anything you could have or can do .. because this isn't about you .. this is about him and what is inside of him .... this is about that he has an addiction and the things he does and says, thinks and feels is spawns from the drugs inside of him.

We try so hard to hold on to what once was that we lose ourself in the addict and become miserable and as messed us as the addict.

I don't know if you've heard about the 3Cs .. you didn't cause, you can't control or you cannot cure his addiction.

I know for myself I went through all the what ifs when I was with my addicted husband

What if I was prettier (then he'd love me)
What if I was nicer
what if I didn't complain
what if I learned to cook better
what if I kept the house spic and span
what if I didn't nag at him
what if I
what if
what!

Then it was if only he would ______ then I'd be happy

The truth of the matter is that I was so unhappy because I was addicted to my husband and I was chasing after him, begging him to stop using so that I could have the relationship I wanted with him so that I could be happy.

I was codependent on him for my happiness and that is a miserable place to be.

I had to find myself (outside of him) I had to find my own happiness

I had to detach

I began to learn how to take care of me regardless of what he did or didn't do.

I had to learn to love myself

I had forced myself to step back from my husbands life and over a course of time I pryed my hands off of him and released him to the life he chose to live ... along with freeing him I prayed daily for him .. and when he found himself in a mess because of his lifestyle and I didn't not rescue him, I didn't save him from the consequences of his own choices .. I took care of myself and my children, focused on the things that I needed to in my life and let him live his. After all he chose his lifestyle and I chose not to support it. He owned it and all that it contained.

I hope that you will be able to open up to friends, family and your pastor about your situation. If shame is keeping you from doing so .. you have nothing to be ashamed of .. you are a seperate entity then him and what he does is not a reflection of you. He is solely accountable for his behavior.

Please, I also hope you will stick around here .. there are lots of wonderful people here that can share their stories with you and you will find you are not alone ... Especially now that you have become a part of the SR family.

I would like to encourage you to read, read and reread... Learn all you can about his drug of choice and the behavior it spawns, educate yourself on enabling, codependency and detachment with love (PRICELESS INFORMATION). You're in good hands here ...

Hugs
Passion