Jen,
My A father pretty much abandoned us after he and my mother divorced (he did pay his child support but that was it). My friend's exhusband has done the same with his children. Both went on to marry other women who supported this type of abandonment, and both seem to fall under the narcissism type personality. It is a very selfish person who puts himself/herself before their children, in my opinion. And I also believe that some people just don't have that empathy "gene". Don't know why. But some people just should never have been parents, in my opinion. Maybe somewhere down the line he will find sobriety and a program that teaches him that parenting is way more than appearances, that love is unconditional, and that happiness is not winning or losing. It is not something you need to dwell on, though, or hold your breath for. I would grieve through this for a bit, as well as grieve for your divorce, even if the guy is a jerk and you wanted it. It's still a tough place to be at this stage in life. Love your children, give them plenty of exposure to healthy male role models (uncles, pastor, you know) and give this one over to AH.