Welcome, just know that you don't have to suffer in silence any more, silenttruth.
It sure sounds like you are already a full fledged alcoholic as you put it.
I was already an alcoholic/addict and in treatment for the first time when I was only 18. Alcoholism knows no boundaries, I'm sure you've heard the sayings that it isn't prejudice of race, nationality, religious preference, sex, social groups ect and that includes age as well. When I put myself in treatment 4 months after I graduated high school, I thought the exact same things you did. I didn't drink every day but when I did, oh, watch out. I wasn't just the drunk girl, I was the drunk b*tch.I turned into someone who, from what I was told, someone I guess I'm glad I can't remember. Blackouts are classic symptoms of alcoholism.
My little sister, Linda, was only a few years older than you when she started a drinking patten just like you. She snuck shots when she thought no one knew, we would all go out to eat, Linda never ate, she drank her dinner. And often, she would go to the restroom at the restaurant and pull a pint out of her purse to do some shots. She said the bartender made her drinks too weak. My sister had a good job, never got a dui, was popular and could have dated just about anyone she choose to. She seemed to have life by it's tail if it weren't for as she called it, problem with drinking too much at times. She would remind everyone who told her that she had a severe problem that our Dad for example, had been drinking for over 30 years and he was fine. On Feb. 15, 1991, Linda began throwing up blood along with chunks of her stomach. She nearly bled out in the 20 minute ambulance ride to the hospital. She would improve, then another major organ would become effected. Linda finally agreed that her drinking was out of control. I think I remember hearing her finally admit that she was an alcoholic. We were overjoyed when she agreed to go straight to the chemical dependency unit in the hospital after her medical discharge on April 3. but, after only two years drinking, it was too late. There was too much damage for her body to recover. She never had a chance to Recover. We buried Linda on April 3 instead of her having a chance to go into treatment and receive help.
No one is ever too young to be an alcoholic or addict.
Please, get help before it's too late for you. Read other posts on here. It will never get better unless you completely stop drinking and work on the reasons why you drank heavily in the first place. Alcoholism is powerful enough that it predicts all of our futures if we continue to drink, it promises us jails, institutions and death.
I encourage you to get help immediately. If I had taken my addiction seriously way back in 1980 when I was 18, I would have saved myself 25 more years of living in a hell that just continued to get worse.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy