Pebbles
Honesty (to yourself first and others second) is a huge step. The disease won't go away on it's own. Just "deciding" isn't enough.
But, rather than hiding in shame and guilt, your rational brain is working. You are on the right track, I think.
You might be a see-saw right now. Your disease on one end and your spirit on the other. Right now the disease is "heavier." that's not surprising, it has gotten a lot more attention these days.
If you continue to come here, go to meetings, and fill your life with good things, your spirit will gradually grow and your disease will slowly starve. The balance will tip.
Don't give up!
warrens