One thing I've learned is recovery does not equal no pain. We are humans and we are going to hurt.
Recovery does show me that I can make choices about my life. I can change the way I think about things, looks at things, handle things. I can choose to dwell on everything that is wrong (and, boy, was I the expert at that)and stay in the pain, or I can dwell on the blessings of my life.
Recovery has taught me about faith which, by the way, I thought I had before all this mess came into my life. I have come to realize that my HP does have the plan for my life and for my AD's life. My faith and Christian beliefs teach me that my HP's ways are not my ways. Do I like that all the time? Of course not, especially when I see my loved ones hurting and making terrible decisions. But my HP has shown me that He CAN work good through some of these horrible choices. My AD's life and choices are proof of that. What looked awful to me, God used for good.
Our addicted loved one's lives can look awful to us. But we just cannot see the big plan. I HAVE to trust my HP while getting the focus back on ME. I have to work my program and let my AD and her HP work her's.
Mr. Hangin' and I were talking last night about life and what we are going through. He said something very good. Said, "You know, it doesn't cost anymore to be optimistic." Pretty smart statement. I'm going to try and choose the optimistic view today...about MY life. After all, recovery is about putting the focus on me and taking steps to make it better.
Hugs and prayers, Painter.
Hangin' In