I need support. MY AH is not using at the moment... at least not that I am aware and I can't play private detective anymore!!! I have told him that I can't do this anymore and that I think we should split up. Of course, as I have said prior, he says, "why can't you give me one more chance? You stayed with me when I was a jerk, and now that I am not using you want to leave???"
I start feeling guilty, but truly I don't want to be with him anymore. We have two beautiful kids, but other than that, he has ruined my life. I know that I have let him do it, but I don't want to anymore. Of course the kids don't know about the substance abuse...he hides things very well. They just know think "Mom doesn't like Dad and poor Daddy." Because he is such a mess over the fact that I have put my foot down this time, he is leaning heavy on the kids and really working hard at making me feel awful.
It gets worse. We had a very tragic death in our lives this week. My 14 year old daughter is not handling this well. As expected. She wasn't able to go to school for a couple days and I looked to the guidance counselor for help. When daughter went back to school GC checked in with her. Thank goodness for the extra support. Daughter chose to share home situation (possible divorce) w/ GC. I am fine with that. Daughter was angry w/me for asking for help, angry with herself for talking about home situation.
She told AH... who of course was angry at me for looking for help... although he tried playing the passive/aggressive approach..."it's ok, I don't care if she talked with the GC. What was she supposed to do the woman kept pressuring her and wouldn't accept that the death was the only thing going on." "She (daughter) came to me about it..." Meanwhile, daughter is angry with me and again, Daddy is the hero, Mom is the awful one for doing this to him.
Today is AH's b-day...laying the guilt on thick today. My life is a mess. He's ruined it and I don't know how to stay strong and move forward. I feel like maybe I should just give in...one more time... and live this way. I know that's not the right answer, but I am emotionally exhausted. Give me strength.
Sorry I am rambling, but I need someone to help me. My life is a mess.
