New and a little lost...
Hi all. I've been lurking for a few days now and thought I'd finally introduce myself.
My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. We have a 1YO daughter. Our marriage has not been great the past 6+ months. My husband's career has really stunk the past couple of years and I knew he was pretty depressed about it, though he never wanted to talk. As far as I know, he doesn't confide in anyone. I also knew he was having more than just the casual drink, but I honestly couldn't tally them. He would buy the liquor while I was gone, and so I never knew how long a bottle lasted, until last week. He got a bottle on Monday night and Thursday morning it was on the counter... empty. We discussed it and he agreed two stiff drinks didn't even give him a buzz anymore. He said he wasn't quitting. I asked if he could and he said he didn't know.
I called a friend (she's a counselor - specializes in this stuff) and she agreed he was probably self-medicating depression with alcohol. We weighed the good and the bad and I decided to stay for at least a while, but to have an 'emergency evacuation' plan in place. I know that if/when I leave him, it'll be MUCH harder (if possible at all) for him to recover. I want to give him every chance, but not at my own or our daughter's expense. I'm currently withdrawn/detached from him emotionally right now - due to previous marital problems. I was trying to work on the marriage and become more connected to him, but after reading a bit here, I may distance myself again. It'll be easier to see things and easier to leave with the emotional distance in place.
He's a very happy drunk. In fact, he's so happy, he's annoying. If I'm doing a puzzle, he thinks it's stupid until he's drunk then he wants to help and will stay up all night finishing it. That's why I think it's ok to stay, for a little while at least... because it's not dangerous.
And yet he said he wasn't quitting... I get the sneaking suspicion I'm going to feel REALLY stupid in a few months.
I know everyone here has 'been there, done that', I'd love to hear your advice.