today is not a good day. I FREAKING OUT -over the fact that ah is supposed to be coming home tomorrow. i don't know what time or anything.
i haven't felt like this in a long time. my hands are literally shaking!!!
i don't want him to come home. i want more time. i have so much fear. i am afraid i will get sucked back in.
i have been so happy this week. i could breathe. i could relax. i slept all night long. i can't even remember the last time i did that.
i've learned a lot this week. i thought i would miss ah and it would be hard. it wasn't. i didn't miss him and i was fine. i didn't have the urge to call and talk to him. i didn't wonder at all what he was doing. he called me three times. i just told him that i really wanted the time to myself. he said "have fun" i said ok bye.
so, what's holding me back? i honestly think it is just the house at this point. i love it and feel comfortable and secure there. i don't want to leave it. i'm afraid that if i had to move into an unfamiliar place i won't have the strength to do it.
i'm so scared i won't be strong when ah comes back.
i don't want to have to go throught he withdrawel again.....i wish this could just be a clean break right now and i wouldn't have to see him.
help!!!