We are not supposed to interfere or try to fix their messes. But most times, their messes affect everyone else around them, so it is very hard to follow this "rule." I struggled with this constantly -- especially the fear of losing my home, if anything ever happened to him. My husband is an alcoholic. It is what it is. I was standing in the middle of it with my eyes wide open. For this reason, I have had to accept my share of the blame and responsibility for how my life was. He would not have had this power over me (and my life), if I had not given it to him. Your post has helped me see this.
Welcome to the group. Keep posting.