WTF Highvolt? Why are you here? One word posts?
If you don't allow the pain inside to find its way out, you will devour yourself.
As good as some of the people are here, I doubt they can deal with one word posts. Nor can your family.
You seem immobilized by self pity. Paralyzed. I think most of us have been there. You seem to be "Dipping your toe in the waters" of recovery to see if it is swimmable. I think Ray Charles could see that won't wor
This isn't a rant, Highvolt, it's a plea. Give us something to work with. Give your family something to work with. Give yourself something to work with.
You have a certain future if you don't. Believe me, stuff will happen with or without you. You can't expect your family and the rest of the world to be encased in marble. At some point your wife will develop the ovaries to do what is good for her and the kids. At some point the quality of your work will degenerate to the point where people have choices to make and it won't be you. Stuff WILL happen.
You seem like a world class bottom waiting to happen. The iceberg is out there, Mr. Titanic and you have a date with it. And saying "I may go to a meeting" will not push it off your course. You need to "stop all engines." Make a real commitment to yourself. Not to us, not to your family, but to yourself. If you can do that you may be surprised at what things begin to fall into place.
Dive in, Highvolt. The water is ice cold, but it is the only way to the lifeboat.
Sincerely and respectfully,
warrens