(((((huckster)))))
I can hear your heart breaking. I think everyone above has said it all. You need to take care of yourself and get back to your serenity. I can't imagine the pain. What a terrific Mom you are for wanting to do everything you can to help your child. You know that to help him you have to let him walk his own path. Take comfort in knowing that you love your child, that you have done what a Mother should and could.
Hugs and prayers to you!