First he the lies..i am dying inside slow but sure....

Old 02-24-2008, 02:37 PM
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First he the lies..i am dying inside slow but sure....

Ok here i am playing detective , but i tell myself i am not...
AS lying about things, where he going..i am going to get my suboxne ... next day no suboxen , went to show with girl friend that is not welocme here , bad history with us..
why does hubby let him still use his car???(he still want to beleive theres a chance)
so off AD goes with dads car (he is supposed to use for work only) to get more suboxen (dad not home) i cant chase had back surgery stuck here..
oh my God he is 23 yrs old and here i am again waitng for the other shoe to drop i cant, prove he is using agan, no but the signs are sure lining up to the same path,, i want to pull my hair out i am sooooo tired of livng the addict life.. GOD HELP ME..help me help myself....i just feel like caving in .. hiding .. trapped in my normal life that is a livng h%^ ..
why why why...
there is no such thing as recovery .. the damn demond is winning again .. just a matter of time before the truth is out...oh please let me be wrong please:codiepolice
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Old 02-24-2008, 02:56 PM
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Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
 
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I'm sorry you are in pain, but I'm sure you know that if he is using there isn't a thing you can do about it. There isn't a worry in the world that will change it. Tears will only leave you with swollen eyes, but they won't wash away the fact that you are powerless over him, his choices and his addiction .. and if you are feeling pressure from what he does or doesn't do then I can honestly say then the weight of his addiction is on the wrong shoulders ... Please for your own sanity rather than cave in try and pull back, refocus and regroup... maybe get a good book and get lost in reading .. brush up on your own recovery ... Because he is using doesn't mean you have to go down too ... there are plenty of lifesavers to grab onto and one of them is SR .. When things get to be to much .. just float until you have gained the strength to dog paddle ...

******{hugs}}}}}
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:01 PM
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huckster...

Nyte is right. There is nothing you can do to stop him if he is going to use or if he already has started back down the slope.

He will do what he will do.

I know fear can be over powering sometimes. Maybe you can repeat the serenity prayer to yourself everytime that fear creeps up on you.

Take care of yourself, sweetie... take care of that back...and know that you have lots of prayers and support coming your way from your support system here at SR.

I'll say an extra prayer for you and your son tonight.
:praying
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:24 PM
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I'm so sorry for your pain and turmoil. I died inside from the toxic environment in my home while my XABF used drugs, stole from me, and lied and wounded me without a second thought. I eventually took the advice I found here and started to do little things for me. Just little things .... and the little things started to add up and made me realize how much I had neglected myself and my children. It was what I needed to make it to the life raft ....

********{Huckster}}}}}
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:25 PM
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Nyte and Out are so right,

If we let this, it can consume our lives. Its amazing how our Peace can quickly escape us if we let the addicts behavior influence our Serenity.
I know the toughest challenge for us as parents is what I call "the edge times." When our addicts are on the edge of recovery, or the edge of falling down fully into addiction. THAT has to be the toughest time for us parents to stay away. " sigh" Its much easier to accept my powerlessness during the certain times.
Try to let his problem go. If he is starting back down that road, nothing you can do will affect it either way. Only he can start and stop this. But on that note, only YOU can find your own Peace. No one can give it to you. So give yourself this gift and leave him to his HP and focus on your ability to handle your life and search for that place where its peaceful and you are not falling off the edge with him.
.
Prayers to you both at this trying time.
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:41 PM
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(((((huckster)))))

I can hear your heart breaking. I think everyone above has said it all. You need to take care of yourself and get back to your serenity. I can't imagine the pain. What a terrific Mom you are for wanting to do everything you can to help your child. You know that to help him you have to let him walk his own path. Take comfort in knowing that you love your child, that you have done what a Mother should and could.

Hugs and prayers to you!
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:52 PM
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Just sending some hugs. I know your struggle because I have been there. I am struggling a lot with sadness right now but I know that if I hold on and admit my powerlessness it will get better. Hugs, Marle
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Old 02-24-2008, 03:59 PM
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(((hugs))) from me too Huckster...I know what you're going through, and it is rough. Please read the "let me fall" "letters" at the top of the forum in the sticky's, they really helped me get my mind in the right place :-)

Praying for you and all the addicted souls and their loved ones tonight

:praying
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