Hey there karma
Originally Posted by
karmakoma 
...Why do you think the support services for partners/family members of drinkers/addicts/whatever are organised according to THEIR dysfunction rather than ours?....
Depends on _which_ support service you're talking about.
Al-Anon is focused on _my_ dysfunction as a "codie", and my addiction to the addict. So it makes sense that it would be organize around helping me overcome behaviors that center around the addict.
Coda is more oriented towards life _after_ the addict is gone from the scene.
Salvation Army is focused on getting the family back on their financial feet, independent of the addict.
I've been to lots of church sponsored recovery groups that are focused only on the spiritual side of recovery.
If you look around a bit, you can find a program that fits your particular needs.
Mike