Getting a divorce was one of the most difficult things I have ever done especially when I still loved him...it would've been easier if I hated him.
I can tell you what has worked consistently for me...aside from reading and writing posts in SR and communicating with the good friends I have made here...
Everytime he opens his mouth and tries to make me feel what he wants me to feel....I say to myself in my mind "WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Why is it always about them?..."WHAT ABOUT ME!?"
For me..it wasn't about hardening my heart...that would've just given me suppressed anger. I was taking steps toward believing that I deserve better and I deserve to have a voice and I deserve a life without having to feel guilty about decisions I've made to make my life better...."WHAT ABOUT ME!?" Slowly but surely this voice in your head gets stronger than anything your ah or exah can verbally fling at you. Slowly but surely that inside voice turns into an outside voice and believe me...it makes a big impact.