Welcome to SR, highvolt! Some of the most important and lifesaving things I've been graced with in recovery is knowing that I can't stay sober by myself, and that someone else has been through the same experience that I have. When I read your post I heard part of my story once again.
Almost 3 years ago I gave away my marriage, my home, a couple dogs, some in-laws and other relatives, and the privilege of being present 24/7 in my children's lives. I say "gave away" because I've learned not to think that I "lost" those things. Every time I picked up a drink I was making the decision to give up everything that I thought was necessary to have a rich and fulfilling life.
I won't tell you to "just quit". I tried that many times and it never worked. But on the day I sobered up in Feb. 2005 I knew that I had to stop, that I needed help, and that I could never safely take a drink again. I walked into my first AA meeting that night, and while it hasn't been an easy journey I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since then. My marriage didn't last but I now know that that wasn't God's will for me. In giving AA a chance, working a 12 Step program, and embracing recovery as a way of life, I've forgiven myself for the wreckage of my past and learned to love the person that I've become.
You're right, your family does deserve a better father and husband, but that person is within you, it's not someone else. My kids have a step-dad now, and while that hurts me sometimes I know that I've become the father that they deserve. We share an unconditional love that is stronger than I thought was ever possible. People who know me personally find it amazing that my 10 & 12 year old children attend AA meetings with me every week. Personally, I just find it totally cool that I've got two awesome kids who support me in my recovery. That's all the forgiveness I really need.
There are no worthless people in recovery, and no failures. Every single one of us is a winner. If you stop drinking now and detox safely I can guarantee you that you won't die from not taking another drink. But continue drinking and there's always the possibility that it will get much worse. I hope you choose sobriety and share about your success with us on SR. It might not be easy, but the rewards are definitely priceless.
Again, welcome to our family in recovery. This is a wonderful place.
Scott