Donna,
Thank you so much for your post. So much of what you said really hit home with me. The first thing I did this morning when I got to work was search out a meeting for tonight. I have so much to do, but I know I need to take care of myself first right now.
It’s such a challenge because he doesn’t use at all times. Prime example all of last week we were away and he was sober and he was the amazing human being I fell in love with. We weren’t home 48 hours and things went to the way side once again. It’s a constant roller coaster ride that I just don’t enjoy riding any longer.
I am fully aware of how unhealthy this situation is to me and I know now I finally need to do something about it. It is out of my reach to solve on my own. He has so many unresolved issues that I now see he band-aids with drugs to prevent him from really feeling the pain he needs to release. He needs help, but that’s exactly what he won’t get. He was forced into it during his parents’ brutal divorce and “doesn’t believe in it”. I guess you’re right and with him, rock bottom is what he needs. I fear what will happen though if I leave. He barely has any self-respect and I am afraid this will take him into that last and final spiral. I know that isn’t a reason to stay but I absolutely cannot live with knowing that his downfall was my fault.