new girl
Hi. This is my third time joining but the first time actually activating my account and posting. Last night I drank the amount I normally do which is a lot but for some reason last night I lost my mind or something. I completely flipped out on my husband. We have been together for 16 years so naturally I know any insecurities he has- and I went for all of them. I can not believe the things I said, most of which I know because he told me this morning. The things I said weren't even true, I was just being as mean as I could. I also hit him and kicked him because he wouldn't let me leave the house. I don't know why I did it but I know my daughter had to have heard it all. I actually have a fantastic marriage and I have no idea where all of this awfulness came from.
So here I am. I am so mortified and so ashamed I could die. I actually feel like I am being crushed or something. So now I know it is way past time for me to quit drinking. I am so tired of waking up every morning with only a vague impression of the end of the night. I tried to quit drinking in January and made it 21 days. It wasn't even that hard and it made me cocky and I started back. The idea was I would just drink on weekends and you probably won't be too surprised to hear I haven't had one sober day since that brilliant decision.
I never ever want to feel the way I feel again and I sure don't want my husband or daughter to feel the way they must be feeling. God this is so awful. This is really it, I have to stop.