new girl
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 20
new girl
Hi. This is my third time joining but the first time actually activating my account and posting. Last night I drank the amount I normally do which is a lot but for some reason last night I lost my mind or something. I completely flipped out on my husband. We have been together for 16 years so naturally I know any insecurities he has- and I went for all of them. I can not believe the things I said, most of which I know because he told me this morning. The things I said weren't even true, I was just being as mean as I could. I also hit him and kicked him because he wouldn't let me leave the house. I don't know why I did it but I know my daughter had to have heard it all. I actually have a fantastic marriage and I have no idea where all of this awfulness came from.
So here I am. I am so mortified and so ashamed I could die. I actually feel like I am being crushed or something. So now I know it is way past time for me to quit drinking. I am so tired of waking up every morning with only a vague impression of the end of the night. I tried to quit drinking in January and made it 21 days. It wasn't even that hard and it made me cocky and I started back. The idea was I would just drink on weekends and you probably won't be too surprised to hear I haven't had one sober day since that brilliant decision.
I never ever want to feel the way I feel again and I sure don't want my husband or daughter to feel the way they must be feeling. God this is so awful. This is really it, I have to stop.
So here I am. I am so mortified and so ashamed I could die. I actually feel like I am being crushed or something. So now I know it is way past time for me to quit drinking. I am so tired of waking up every morning with only a vague impression of the end of the night. I tried to quit drinking in January and made it 21 days. It wasn't even that hard and it made me cocky and I started back. The idea was I would just drink on weekends and you probably won't be too surprised to hear I haven't had one sober day since that brilliant decision.
I never ever want to feel the way I feel again and I sure don't want my husband or daughter to feel the way they must be feeling. God this is so awful. This is really it, I have to stop.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sunny it looks as though you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have been there, I have been in that pit and I found a way out with the help of other alcoholics who had been in that very same hole I was in.
Are you willing to go to any length to get and stay sober?
I was, I found a solution that has worked for me and millions of other alcoholics, it took some work, some time, and a whole boat load of honesty and willingness.
Are you willing to go to any length to get and stay sober?
I was, I found a solution that has worked for me and millions of other alcoholics, it took some work, some time, and a whole boat load of honesty and willingness.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
I was a very angry drunk too. I would get drunk, say the most hurtful things I could, pass out, and wake up with no memory and a girlfriend who was packing and I didn't know why.
She basically forced me to go to treatment and I got on Antabuse. Some might say that's forced sobriety, but it is keeping me off the bottle while I work on my issues.
What I've learned, and I only have about six weeks, is that to stay sober you really have to want it. AA, Antabuse, Sober Recovery, exercise, and therapy. That's my recipe for sobriety. I really don't feel qualified to dispense any kind of advice, but that's what's been working for me.
She basically forced me to go to treatment and I got on Antabuse. Some might say that's forced sobriety, but it is keeping me off the bottle while I work on my issues.
What I've learned, and I only have about six weeks, is that to stay sober you really have to want it. AA, Antabuse, Sober Recovery, exercise, and therapy. That's my recipe for sobriety. I really don't feel qualified to dispense any kind of advice, but that's what's been working for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 20
I am willing to do ANYTHING! I feel really awful! I can't even describe how I feel but it is painful. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I don't want to ever feel this way again. I just looked at the AA schedule for my city and it was really overwhelming. There are so many meetings and so many codes. I think I'm just going to call. My brain isn't at full capacity yet. The funny thing is when I quit in Jan. I told my husband if I couldn't quit on my own I was going to AA. When I started back I was just like, oh screw it! I hadn't done anything really stupid yet to remember why I needed to quit. My husband has never been too gung ho about me quitting because usually drinking doesn't turn me into a bitch and I know he's afraid we wont have fun if I don't drink. All of are fun is centered around drinking and that will have to stop. After last night I'm sure he's ready for me to quit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Texasblind 
I was a very angry drunk too. I would get drunk, say the most hurtful things I could, pass out, and wake up with no memory and a girlfriend who was packing and I didn't know why.
She basically forced me to go to treatment and I got on Antabuse. Some might say that's forced sobriety, but it is keeping me off the bottle while I work on my issues.
What I've learned, and I only have about six weeks, is that to stay sober you really have to want it. AA, Antabuse, Sober Recovery, exercise, and therapy. That's my recipe for sobriety. I really don't feel qualified to dispense any kind of advice, but that's what's been working for me.
She basically forced me to go to treatment and I got on Antabuse. Some might say that's forced sobriety, but it is keeping me off the bottle while I work on my issues.
What I've learned, and I only have about six weeks, is that to stay sober you really have to want it. AA, Antabuse, Sober Recovery, exercise, and therapy. That's my recipe for sobriety. I really don't feel qualified to dispense any kind of advice, but that's what's been working for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by CarolD
Glad you decided to post...
Do you have a plan?
Blessings to you and your family
Do you have a plan?
Blessings to you and your family
I don't know. I guess I need to call and find a meeting. I'm kind of scared. I want to make sure I'm at a big one where I wont stand out too much. I have a little social anxiety which ironically alcohol fixes right up.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Sunny,
That TAZ fellow is always pitching AA. AA is a bunch of drunks who have done the very thing that you are ashamed of, and so they all get together and give each other advice about how to make their lives better. They study what people just like you have done in the past and what they did to regain a happy and productive life. This whole process goes on and on and on, it never seems to stop!!
I will admit I have gone to some of these meetings, approximately 2000 +or -, and it has so interfered with my drinking that I haven't been able to drink for the past 8 plus years. I was influenced by this AA bunch to the point of confessing my deepest darkest secrets to another AA guy and after that went out apologizing and trying to fix the damage I did when I acted like you did the other night. As a result of this people who were wronged by me, and who didn't care much for me, started talking to me again. It got so bad that even ex-wives started being nice again for heaven sakes!
I am warning you about AA because it WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE, so if you are happy with life the way it is, STAY AWAY FROM THIS BUNCH OF DO GOODERS!!
In all seriousness, I and several thousand, perhaps millions, have been where you are. There is a way out.
Jon
That TAZ fellow is always pitching AA. AA is a bunch of drunks who have done the very thing that you are ashamed of, and so they all get together and give each other advice about how to make their lives better. They study what people just like you have done in the past and what they did to regain a happy and productive life. This whole process goes on and on and on, it never seems to stop!!
I will admit I have gone to some of these meetings, approximately 2000 +or -, and it has so interfered with my drinking that I haven't been able to drink for the past 8 plus years. I was influenced by this AA bunch to the point of confessing my deepest darkest secrets to another AA guy and after that went out apologizing and trying to fix the damage I did when I acted like you did the other night. As a result of this people who were wronged by me, and who didn't care much for me, started talking to me again. It got so bad that even ex-wives started being nice again for heaven sakes!
I am warning you about AA because it WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE, so if you are happy with life the way it is, STAY AWAY FROM THIS BUNCH OF DO GOODERS!!
In all seriousness, I and several thousand, perhaps millions, have been where you are. There is a way out.
Jon
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I think I'm just going to call.
As crazy as this sounds, when you make that phone call you will be helping the person that answers the phone to stay sober. One of our problems when we are in our bottles is a feeling of uselessness, when you call that person who answers will realize that they are useful, they are helping a fellow alcoholic.
I would suggest one of 3 types of meetings to start out with:
1. A ladies meeting (None of those nasty men!)
2. A beginners meeting where they focus on starting out.
3. A speakers meeting, go in, sit down, and then simply listen to some one share their Experience, Strength, and hope.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 20
The noon meeting is a discussion meeting. Does that mean I will have to talk? Is this a bad choice for my first meeting? I really don't want to talk. The one at noon tomorrow is a steps meeting- maybe that would be better for a first meeting? I don't know why but this is freaking me out.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Well..since you have posted that you are already set to go to a meeting today, I only have one piece of advice.
If they ask if anyone is new and would like to introduce themselves - raise your hand and state your name. When you get the chance to speak to someone outside of the meeting structure - tell them what you posted here "I am willing to do anything to stay sober, and I haven't been able to do it on my own"
take care.
If they ask if anyone is new and would like to introduce themselves - raise your hand and state your name. When you get the chance to speak to someone outside of the meeting structure - tell them what you posted here "I am willing to do anything to stay sober, and I haven't been able to do it on my own"
take care.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Sunny,
You don't HAVE to do anything. We are pretty much used to the idea that a new person in a meeting doesn't really feel comfortable. Just introduce yourself by your first name and then make yourself comfortable and if asked to talk, you decide if you are OK with that, if not just thank them and say I will listen today.
We all had a FIRST MEETING and believe me, most of us remember that feeling. If you let the folks know that this is your first you will be suprised at the response. It should be welcoming and quite warm.
Good for you and it is a big step, but like drinking drinking alone, you can get used to it with practice.
Jon
You don't HAVE to do anything. We are pretty much used to the idea that a new person in a meeting doesn't really feel comfortable. Just introduce yourself by your first name and then make yourself comfortable and if asked to talk, you decide if you are OK with that, if not just thank them and say I will listen today.
We all had a FIRST MEETING and believe me, most of us remember that feeling. If you let the folks know that this is your first you will be suprised at the response. It should be welcoming and quite warm.
Good for you and it is a big step, but like drinking drinking alone, you can get used to it with practice.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by sunny me
The noon meeting is a discussion meeting. Does that mean I will have to talk? Is this a bad choice for my first meeting? I really don't want to talk. The one at noon tomorrow is a steps meeting- maybe that would be better for a first meeting? I don't know why but this is freaking me out.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
It will be just fine!!!!
If you are like I was you will be scared to death before you walk in that door, when you will leave you will be asking your self "What in the world was I scared of?"
I really look forward to hearing how things went.
If you are like I was you will be scared to death before you walk in that door, when you will leave you will be asking your self "What in the world was I scared of?"
I really look forward to hearing how things went.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 20
Okay, I went and it didn't kill me. Everyone was really nice. It's an AA club which I didn't even know existed so it was kind of neat. They have a bar and a pool table and TV and stuff and you can go anytime. I just introduced myself and said I was really shy which I am and I wasn't pressed to talk. I got there a little late because I was having trouble finding it so that was a bit awkward. When I said My name is .... and I'm an alcoholic it was surreal. I can't believe what I have done to my life. I'm going back tomorrow. I have to say it felt pretty good to be in a room where everyone knows how I feel. I like that they have noon meetings so I don't have to try to explain to my daughter where I'm going.
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