((((painter))))
You really do have a lot going on!
As far as the letter, I can only tell you what MY mind was thinking when I was actively using. I was very, very aware of the agony I was putting my family through (they knew I was on the streets, but didn't know if I was dead or alive many times). My way of dealing with that guilt was to get high and "forget" it for a while. It is impossible to explain why we A's think the way we do....I can't believe the things I did and thought they were perfectly logical at the time.
I'm not saying that if you write her a letter, she will continue to get high. If I had been at the point where I was ready to get clean, it would have been totally different I think. I just know that most A's are aware of what they are doing to their loved ones, but the drugs have so much of a hold on us, that it's our first instinct in dealing with ANYTHING!
I would say, that if you write the letter, try not to have any expectations of it changing anything. It's those darn expectations that come back and bite us in the butt.
Sending you and your family hugs and prayers!
Amy