Thanks for sharing part of your story.
Welcome to SR!
I too had many false starts on my recovery journey.
I was up and down...in and out of AA.
I was 5 years in AA before
I earned a 1 year medallion.
Then I read a book...."Under The Influence"
that explained to me why I kept drinking
despite my efforts to quit.
I took that info...re connected to God and AA.
I've not had another drink.
We have excerpts here....if you are interested
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please do keep posting with us...we do understand.
Blessings to the 4 of you