Just Me
I have been agonizing about this all night. I am a very closed off person, I don't share a lot about myself to anyone. I had another thread earlier tonight(I was at work so this all affects me more than I even realize). I shared some information about me but I failed to include it all. I protect myself from scrutiny a lot, failure is never an option for me....though I do it (fail) most of the time.
I realize this is all anonymous so here I go....
If you are easily bored then you should probably go elsewhere.
I am an alcoholic... I am again practicing not recovering. I can't seem to get past the guilt of everything I have done. During the first "sober stint" I have lost almost everything. I spent so much on my addiction that I did not open my eyes to what was going on. I am currently losing my home, and in that home my wife, step-son, and son reside. This is all because of me. I drank it all away and I am caught in the circle again. To the outsider they may say "just quit"; but it isn't that easy. HERE I GO AGAIN....FOR THE SAKE OF MY FAMILY I CAN'T EVEN STOP. I WANT TO SCREAM... I want so much for them to find a better father, husband...they deserve it.
How worthless is that?! I can't forgive myself for what I have done. I can't get past it. I look at my son every day anD feel the pain. I don't want him to be like me....NEVER. I just don't know what to do anymore.
That is probably enough for the night