don't be hard on yourself for the better and worse stuff. I don't think that active drug addiction is in the "worse" column - it's in the deal breaker column. I've gone through a lot in my life and one of my character defects is staying too long in bad situations. I've learned that there are several dealbreakers: active addiction and emotional/verbal/physical abuse. I know that there are more than that but those are the 2 that jump into my mind right now.
Take care of yourself and kid(s). The post above me referring to visitation is a true concern. Are there any stipulations that you can get into writing to protect the kids?
Thinking about you - Donna