Shivaya

Hi All,

My AH has been staying at a relatives condo all week (his idea) so that he can "figure things out" and "decide if our marriage is too far gone to be helped". He also indicated he was going to contact his Employee Assistance Program through work. This all happened after I said I cannot live with someone who does what he does anymore.

So, I have been supportive of him being gone, have asked a few times about the EAP and whether he has seen anyone. He got angry each time I asked him about it, so I stopped asking.

So....today is Friday, he is supposed to be coming home tonight. Says he'll be home around 6:30, and will be leaving at 7 pm to "go out with the guys"! Okay, he does not know this as I did not mention it to him, but I was planning to have a family night w/ dinner/movie at home.

I suppose we could do the family night tomorrow. When he told me he was going out, I paused and then said that the kids are going to be really disappointed (and they will), as am I.

So...I don't have a problem with him going out, I just thought that maybe he might want to be with is family (especially his kids) after being gone all week. I guess I thought wrong, and just because I would want to spend every second with my children after being away for week, does not mean that is what he wants to do.

I guess I just don't understand where this comes from? Is it normal not to want to be with your kids? I understand him not wanting to be around me, but his kids?

Anyone else experience this? What is this?

Oh, I learned in the last 2 days that my AH is a master manipulater (has always been, I just never had identified it), as well as passive-aggressive. I've heard this term a million times and never really thought about it. Example: my husband wants/needs something. He may make comments, hints, in a very low tone of voice, and I just won't get it. I need things to be said to me in a direct manner, no beating around the bush. Then, eventually, he will have to get angry and say exactly what he wants, which I wish he would have just done in the 1st place.

Both myself and my AH's childhood were really screwed up, highly dystunctional with divorce/alcohol addiction/drugs/violence. I've always said how amazed I am at how well we both "turned out".

I know I have issues. I've been working on them for as long as I can remember, and I'm still learning. I know my husband has issues, he has not worked on one single issue since I've known him.

So I guess what I'm saying is that how could I possibly think someone "turned out" okay, when they have never done any work on themselves to deal with their past?

Thanks for listening!

Shivaya