Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa 
What I have heard from my therapist, and others on this board who also have therapists, is that it can be helpful, but (and this is a big BUT) he has to be willing to give up the alcohol. There are usually other problems in the relationship that can be addressed in therapy, but there is no way to honestly and productively address them with the cloud of alcohol hanging over the situation.
I agree. I initiated 5 therapists with my AH. Each one he dropped as soon as his feet were held to the fire. The 4th one figured out he had a drinking problem. He dropped her, but I continue to go to her and she has been a life saver for me.
Originally Posted by
LaTeeDa My advice would be to see a therapist on your own first. You will learn a lot about yourself and develop some tools for dealing with what is on your plate. And
sometimes when one person begins to make positive changes, the other person is motivated to change as well. No guarantee that will happen, but either way it will benefit you. I know it did wonders for me.
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Also agree- I see my therapist for myself. Originally I had hoped she would help US get through our problems, but it's not meant to be, and boy did I try- for years. My therapist has helped me to see I was living a very narrow life with my AH- and yes, he blames me for everything. I no longer take that on. I am only half of the relationship. I didn't make him drink, and I couldn't make him stop. He left me, and I discovered I didn't want him back. I am now trying to take the energy I was putting into him/us into myself.
Take care of yourself- it's all you can do.
And FDoormat- I love you! I lol- yet again- at your comment above.