I'm back- and with a question
Hey all. I posted here a bit last year, was sober for a WHOLE 9 DAYS, and started drinking again.
I haven't been getting sh** faced, but still waking up with a scorched throat and puffy eyes every morning. That's the worst part to me. That and not being able to go anywhere more than 2 miles from the house with my friends. I changed jobs and make a lot less money but am so much happier, therefore I can't afford cab rides anymore. You see, if I get invited out I know I have to get there and back. Getting there's no problem, getting home is. I want to only have a couple of drinks so I can safely drive, but I KNOW that there is no such thing for me. A couple turns into 9 or 10, I'm drinking grown men under the table, and then I would drive anyway. I refuse to do that anymore. So now I either walk, or stay home. It sucks, and my friends don't really understand.
Sorry, on to the question...
Does anyone else have an extreme urge to CONSUME? I mean it in the very sense of the word. I want all the food, I want all the booze, I want to smoke 3 packs of cigs a day (started again after 6 months smober, another failure of Mrsmurph's willpower). I want want want. I want to take it all in, I want it to be mine, even if it makes me sick. I substitute one for the other. If I can't drink I eat or smoke, if I drink I don't need the others.
It's a weird feeling I'm just beginning to realize. I also want ALL the money. I want ALL the control in my relationship with my hubby. I want to be the BEST. I want to be DRUNKEST.
Anyone?