I'm back- and with a question
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 70
I'm back- and with a question
Hey all. I posted here a bit last year, was sober for a WHOLE 9 DAYS, and started drinking again.
I haven't been getting sh** faced, but still waking up with a scorched throat and puffy eyes every morning. That's the worst part to me. That and not being able to go anywhere more than 2 miles from the house with my friends. I changed jobs and make a lot less money but am so much happier, therefore I can't afford cab rides anymore. You see, if I get invited out I know I have to get there and back. Getting there's no problem, getting home is. I want to only have a couple of drinks so I can safely drive, but I KNOW that there is no such thing for me. A couple turns into 9 or 10, I'm drinking grown men under the table, and then I would drive anyway. I refuse to do that anymore. So now I either walk, or stay home. It sucks, and my friends don't really understand.
Sorry, on to the question...
Does anyone else have an extreme urge to CONSUME? I mean it in the very sense of the word. I want all the food, I want all the booze, I want to smoke 3 packs of cigs a day (started again after 6 months smober, another failure of Mrsmurph's willpower). I want want want. I want to take it all in, I want it to be mine, even if it makes me sick. I substitute one for the other. If I can't drink I eat or smoke, if I drink I don't need the others.
It's a weird feeling I'm just beginning to realize. I also want ALL the money. I want ALL the control in my relationship with my hubby. I want to be the BEST. I want to be DRUNKEST.
Anyone?
I haven't been getting sh** faced, but still waking up with a scorched throat and puffy eyes every morning. That's the worst part to me. That and not being able to go anywhere more than 2 miles from the house with my friends. I changed jobs and make a lot less money but am so much happier, therefore I can't afford cab rides anymore. You see, if I get invited out I know I have to get there and back. Getting there's no problem, getting home is. I want to only have a couple of drinks so I can safely drive, but I KNOW that there is no such thing for me. A couple turns into 9 or 10, I'm drinking grown men under the table, and then I would drive anyway. I refuse to do that anymore. So now I either walk, or stay home. It sucks, and my friends don't really understand.
Sorry, on to the question...
Does anyone else have an extreme urge to CONSUME? I mean it in the very sense of the word. I want all the food, I want all the booze, I want to smoke 3 packs of cigs a day (started again after 6 months smober, another failure of Mrsmurph's willpower). I want want want. I want to take it all in, I want it to be mine, even if it makes me sick. I substitute one for the other. If I can't drink I eat or smoke, if I drink I don't need the others.
It's a weird feeling I'm just beginning to realize. I also want ALL the money. I want ALL the control in my relationship with my hubby. I want to be the BEST. I want to be DRUNKEST.
Anyone?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Mrs Murph - it's good to see you again.
Yeah - as an alcoholic, I wanted to get drunk, I wanted all the booze, and when I smoked, I would chain-smoke the cigs. Sex - I wanted lots. The road to excess, that was me. It's pretty common with addicts.
So - knowing that - what do you plan to do about it?
Yeah - as an alcoholic, I wanted to get drunk, I wanted all the booze, and when I smoked, I would chain-smoke the cigs. Sex - I wanted lots. The road to excess, that was me. It's pretty common with addicts.
So - knowing that - what do you plan to do about it?
Mrsmurph, I'm having similar "compulsive consumption" problems now that I've stopped drinking. It's an issue I had as a kid, too - food, soda, whatever, I had to have far more of it than was good for me. When I hit college I switched to alcohol, now that I'm not drinking it's right back to food/soda/etc.
Now that I'm aware of it, I can do something about it. Meeting with a therapist, getting treated for OCD, trying to be mindful of my compulsions.
Now that I'm aware of it, I can do something about it. Meeting with a therapist, getting treated for OCD, trying to be mindful of my compulsions.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Don't profess to have any of the answers you're looking for, mrsmurph...but, you probably need to get to the root causes of your excessive behavior.
Does sound like something you should look into. Good luck.
Now that I'm aware of it, I can do something about it. Meeting with a therapist, getting treated for OCD, trying to be mindful of my compulsions.
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