Originally Posted by
denny57 
It was a process for me; not a one-day-I-woke-up and changed my thinking. It has happened gradually and I believe, for me, it has come about because I have kept "the focus on me." I don't view my life through alcoholism anymore. It isn't easy for me to explain.
Yes- I can tell it is a process- sometimes too slow for me, but I feel I am getting there.
Originally Posted by
denny57 Since I took the focus off the alcoholic, I've come to realize I have a very good life; I am a fun person - either on my own or with others; I am worthy of love, affection, good times, respect. I have people in my life who I love and who love me. I've continued to do the same work I did with AH and love it more than ever. I've started a new business and am having a blast doing that. The less I live in the drama that comes with addiction the more I can see things for what they were and are.
Someone said something to me this week about finding out who (Paj) is. I thought that was a little funny. Don't I know who I am? I know I don't really- not the way I will in going through all of this.
Originally Posted by
denny57 I also used to want to understand everything (I don't see that as a "problem" LOL) but I now accept the nature of addiction is not for me to understand, but to accept. Acceptance has led me to a place where I have faith - that life is going exactly as it should. If that is true, then I can't view my life, or any part of it, as something horrible. Life is a joy - it really is - and a gift I am no longer willing to squander. Maybe that comes with age. Maybe that's why I hope those here who are younger than I - especially those in their 30's, the age I was when I got involved with AH - listen with an open mind and heart to what is here for them.
I like your distinction between understanding and acceptance. That's a better way of looking at it for me. I know I'll never understand it, but I hope one day to truly accept it.
Originally Posted by
denny57 Finally, if I hadn't lived for a time in the chaos of addiction, I would have never landed here, never met some of the most wonderful people in my life, or been taking some of the adventures I am now on. Everything does happen for a reason and I'm having fun without knowing the reason for now.
Ahh- I want to feel this way. I've lived for a very, very long time in miserable conditions. I am so tired of that, and realize in order to crawl out of it I need to do some hard work. I believe I'm getting there. Thanks for your response. I've learned a lot from you today.