Originally Posted by
Pajarito 
Denny- I am trying to understand this. Are you saying that now you look at it as more of a positive experience than you did when you were in the throes of it? One of my problems- I think- is that I want to be able to understand everything- to put it all into a nice, neat little box. It's much too messy for that. Where I am losing you is where you say: "When I keep the focus on me. . ." Can you explain? Thanks. Paj
It was a process for me; not a one-day-I-woke-up and changed my thinking. It has happened gradually and I believe, for me, it has come about because I have kept "the focus on me." I don't view my life through alcoholism anymore. It isn't easy for me to explain.
Since I took the focus off the alcoholic, I've come to realize I have a very good life; I am a fun person - either on my own or with others; I am worthy of love, affection, good times, respect. I have people in my life who I love and who love me. I've continued to do the same work I did with AH and love it more than ever. I've started a new business and am having a blast doing that. The less I live in the drama that comes with addiction the more I can see things for what they were and are.
I also used to want to understand everything (I don't see that as a "problem" LOL) but I now accept the nature of addiction is not for me to understand, but to accept. Acceptance has led me to a place where I have faith - that life is going exactly as it should. If that is true, then I can't view my life, or any part of it, as something horrible. Life is a joy - it really is - and a gift I am no longer willing to squander. Maybe that comes with age. Maybe that's why I hope those here who are younger than I - especially those in their 30's, the age I was when I got involved with AH - listen with an open mind and heart to what is here for them.
Finally, if I hadn't lived for a time in the chaos of addiction, I would have never landed here, never met some of the most wonderful people in my life, or been taking some of the adventures I am now on. Everything
does happen for a reason and I'm having fun without knowing the reason for now.
Much love to you.