Hi Syrup,
Hugs to you, for trying to make this all work out well for everyone.
One red flag for me is that your boyfriend is an addict, and is still going out to the bars. As in, at all. That in itself shows that he seems to be pretty loosy-goosey about his recovery, at least in my book.
The other is something that I too had to struggle with, and that was the cold hard truth you mention in your post: Sure, he has a right to go have fun, or learn something, or entertain himself while you are busy.
But do you necessarily WANT to be with someone for whom the top of the list of "things to do with the spare hours in my day" is to go get drunk? (or just drink)
Early on in my life, I didn't mind. I did it myself and it was fun.
Later on, I started to question that, especially when I started hanging around with people who used their time to study, read great books, teach themselves carpentry, start a garden, play with animals, go to the gym or to the trail to run, learn how to make a web site, talk on the phone to their parents, draw, paint, learn an instrument, learn Italian, become a great cook, be with friends doing something, etc. etc. etc.
I started finding those people more compelling, and eventually ended up marrying one. When this one gets bored, or I'm busy studying (I work full time and go to school full time) he works on his car, wrestles with the dogs, works on his budget, invites a friend over for a beer and a game of guitar hero, talks to his mom on the phone..........the bar just isn't a magnet any more.
Those are a couple of things you may want to write about in your journal or talk to someone about: is this the life I want? Is this the solid, supportive, trusting relationship I had envisioned for myself?
I respect that he made many changes because it was worth it for the two of you to be together. Ideally, they're doing it for themselves only, but there's something valid about seeing the value in your relationship as part of that.
But he's playing with fire, still using drinking as his primary form of entertainment. Addicts relapse often enough without tempting the fates like that. I think, in your heart of hearts, that is what's driving your stress. He's still in unhealthy patterns (and not working any sort of program) and you know that puts him, and you & him, at risk. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Unfortunately for him, the only way through this is to have a gently honest conversation along the lines of what you originally posted. No guilt, no threats, just "am I being reasonable?....This is what worries me the most....Is there some way to meet halfway here?"
And if that's not the kind of conversation he's capable of having, then you need to add that into the equation. There are rocky roads ahead if he won't act like a true partner.
Love,
GL