Wife of an AH...
My AH and I have been married for 16 years and have four precious children. I have dealt with his alcoholism in many different ways, such as joining in, screaming, ignoring, kindness, policing his every move, begging, pleading, etc. He finally decided to try rehab 10 months ago after waking up in alley without his front teeth. He came out and was sober for about 2 to 3 weeks. He went to AA briefly, I think he got to step 2 but then things returned to the way they were, except his moods were more volatile when drinking and even when sober. We have a no drinking policy in the house because of the four kids so he is always sitting on the edge of his seat thinking of a reason he can bust out the door and stay out all night. Ten days ago, he left going to work, kissed me Bye and told me he loved me and then never came home. He was supposed to take our 7 year old to scouts that evening and when I called him, he mumbled in a drunk stupor, "It just isn't working." Since then, I have only talked with him once and he of course says it has nothing to do with the alcohol, he just can't live with me anymore. How can someone do this to their family and not have any remorse at all. It is like he has no conscious. He has upset the children beyond belief and of course left me here to handle the questions and the fears that they are experiencing. THey came home from school to learn their daddy wasn't coming back and they just don't get it.
I just started alanon meetings and my daughter will be going to her second alateen meeting next week. My other three children are too young to attend. My daughter is so hurt and hates her dad right now, says she never wants to see him or speak to him again. My 7 year old son cries at night wanting his dad to play Xbox and then tuck him in. I just cry because I am in so much as well.
How can a man be married for 16 years and have 4 kids and then just walk out? How can he not see that the alcohol is the root of his unhappiness? I am trying to learn this in ALanon but it is so hard not to take it personally. I can't help but hurt when he says he is leaving because he can't live with me.
Any words or insights would be greatly appreciated. I am confused and although I do know some about the disease, I still can't figure out how he sleeps at night knowing that there are four children and a wife that loves him wishing he were home. I want to have that glimmer of hope that he will wake up tomorrow and want to get help. I am just so sad for him.
Thank you for your time.
Melissa