What can I say that will make you not take his words personally? Nothing....you'll need to get there on your own and hopefully with the right support and knowledge..... you will.
Whatever it takes.....just keep reminding yourself.....this is HIS addiction, not mine.....the only way he is in a good place is if he is in active recovery (every damn day) and wants to believe it, live it, love it, etc.
Otherwise, render anything he says, null and void.
I have also gained a lot of wisdom/insight from the Getting Them Sober books. You really need to try and gain a detached, almost scientific look at this disease and try to detach your emotions as much as possible. As an example, the book says.....try to envision the alcholic/alcholism as a circle. You keep one foot in and one foot out. The foot that is inside the circle is intellectual.....knows the facts, knows not to engage, etc. That is the foot that is in the circle with the A. The foot that is outside of the circle is the emotional foot. That foot is bothered by the A behavior/words, emotional, wants to help, cry, etc.
But...this foot is OUTSIDE the circle. Able to run and hide and not show itself to the A inside the circle.
Arm yourself with as much information and detachment as possible. I know this is easier said than done. My experience is with xabf, so much easier. I can run....no ties, no kids, no finances......just emotions. Much easier...I know.
Hang in there....and keep in mind, that the author of the books...Toby....is available for phone consultations if need be and $$ allows. Check out her website, getting them sober....dot com.